You got to keep the old motor running...

The marriage of an 80 year old white man and a 20 year old white woman was the talk of the town.
After being married a  year, the couple went to the hospital for the birth of their first child.
The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old gentleman and said,
"This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running."
The following  year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their second child.
The same nurse  was attending the delivery and  again went out to congratulate the old gentleman.
She said, "Sir, you are something! How do you manage it?"
The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running."
A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their third child.
The same nurse was there for this birth also and, after the delivery, she once again approached the old gentleman, smiled, and said, "Well, you surely are something awesome! How do you do it?"

The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old motor running."

The nurse, still smiling, patted him on the back and said: "Well, I guess  it's time to change the oil.
This one is black!"

Rachelle Lefevre enjoying at the beach with a friend...

Mobile Phones are very personal...

Turn off the f***** answering machine...

Miller...

Need me say more?

ndugu zangu wa kileo...

wa-kisasa...

What an advert...

Je wajua? Kwamba...

DEMAND CASH B4 SEX...

Man went to a pub with his wife. When he left for the counter a prostitute approached his wife & whispered "DEMAND CASH B4 SEX," he doesn't PAY!

 

The wife gets angry and starts shouting at the unfaithful husband for going out with prostitutes.The husband advises the wife that they leave the pub and go home to sort out the problem.

They book a cab but on the way the wife continues shouting and the Taxi driver stops and tells the man, "You, every time you book my taxi you always argue with your prostitutes,get out of my car"THE WIFE GOT MAD.THE HUSBAND COLLAPSED.

Now you know why husbands don't go with their wives to bars or Night clubs... kichwangumu

Ubechezzz...

Nakumbukia enzi zangu na wadauz pale Ilala, akina Emma Kuyamba, Deo Kipaka, Marehemu Jumbe, Juma Sanga, n.k (Mwenyezi Mungu azipumzishe roho zao mahali pema peponii, amina) ilikuwa sinia likutua tuu, nyama zote mkono wa kushoto, then shughuli inaendelea. Suala la usafi sijui nini, hiyo baadae... tumewapoteza wengi sana Pius Paul (R.I.P) na wengineo... DUH!

Mke wa mtu ni sumu...

Habari nyepesi nyepesi...

Jamaa alichukua simu ya GF wake, akaipigia ili aone ameseviwa kwa jina gani, alichokiona hakuamini. Alikuta jina la "MBWA KOKO JEUSI TIIII!" Yaliyofuatia si vizuri kusimulia!

What a stu*** joke...

A married woman was having a really nice time with one of her boyfriends when there was a sudden knock on the door.

Thinking that it was her husband, she instructed the man to jump into the ceiling only to find it was another boyfriend.

When the 2nd boyfriend was about to make love to her, the real hubby came.  Boyfriend 2 had no other option except to jump into the ceiling also. "How are we getting out of here?" asked # 2 to #1 "I do not know about you, for me I am going as soon as the hubby starts making love to the wife.

When the time came, # 1 jumped naked from the ceiling , landed on the bed and said,

"I am Jesus, God shall bless you with a baby girl!
He quickly vanished. # 2 quickly followed and panting said

I am Satan have you seen Jesus?"
"He went that way." the hubby replied

Matukio katika picha...

 hivi vivazi vingine bana.... aaah!

hawa sungura vipi? wanakula widi.....

Richmond - Rex - Tanesco... is this true...

Rex Attorneys huenda ikakabiliwa kashfa ya mgongano wa maslahi

Kwa mujibu wa thread iliyoanzishwa na Vuvuzela hivi leo, kampuni ya mawakili ijulikanayo kwa jina la Rex Attorneys, iliwahi kuwa mwakilishi wa Richmond Development Corporation(RDC) hapa nchini. Kama hivyo ndivyo, ni dhahiri kampuni hiyo ilikiuka miiko ya taaluma (profession misconduct), kwa kuwakilisha TANESCO katika kesi ambayo ilifunguliwa dhidi yake na kampuni iliyorithi mkataba wa mteja wake wa zamani. Nakaribisha maoni zaidi katika suala hili.

 

source: JamiiForum

 

My take: Kama hii ni kweli, basi bongo ni tambarare kwa sana tuu... na bado!

KICHWANGUMU.

Shule ya msingi kwa majirani zetu...

Mambo ya X-Mas

 Holiday season... wadau, muwe makini.

Dogo na X-mas...

Dogo akijidai siku kama ya leo, sijui nani kaiweka hapo... DUH!

AYUBAAA!!!!!

AYUBA bought a new mobile.
     He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
     'My Mobile No. Has changed.
     Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

     ============ ========= ========= ======
     AYUBA : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
     Friend: Really, what is he studying.
     AYUBA: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ===
     AYUBA: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
     DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
     AYUBA : Can I take it  tomorrow, tonight is final game.

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ====
     AYUBA : If I die, will u remarry?
     Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
     AYUBA : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ==
     AYUBA : People consider me as a 'GOD'
     Wife: How do you know??
     AYUBA : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
     Oh GOD! U have come again..

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ====
     AYUBA complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
     except the TV in my house.'
     Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
     AYUBA : 'I was watching TV news...'

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ==
     AYUBA  comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
     He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ======
     How do you recognize AYUBA  in School?
     He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
     the board.

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ========
     Once  AYUBA was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
     So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
     announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
     be hot.

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
     AYUBA  in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
     Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
     AYUBA : Why are all these people running?
     Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
     AYUBA  - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
     Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
     AYUBA : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

     ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
     AYUBA told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
     Servant: 'It's already raining.'
     AYUBA : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

Hapo Mzee mzima Philip kajamba au????

Did Philip Fart? What do you think? The expressions are priceless! Look at the Queen's face!

Matukio kipindi cha sikukuu...

Mshahara utasubiriwa mpaka utoke... ukishapatikana tuu! ni kama ifuatavyo...

 bata kwa sanaaaaaaaaaaa..... gwede gwede mpaka lyamba!

Jamani tuzingatie haki za watoto...

kama wewe ni mzazi au mlezi basi yakubali majukumu yako na uyazingatie... si haki na haipendezi kumbambika mtoto mdogo kiasi hichi majukumu makubwa ya kuhudumia familia kwa kiwango hiki. kwa kweli haipendezi hata kidogo, hivi na hapa tutasema tunasubiri serikali uchukue hatua kweli???? Tubadilike, serikali ni sisi... mimi, wewe, yule na huyu! basi na kila mmoja wetu atimize wajibu wake kutokana na nafasi yake. Mtoto kama huyo pichani anapaswa aende shule, akitoka acheze kiasi na kusaidia kazi anazomudu! sio kuteseka kiasi hichi...  

'tafakari...'

Tukumbuke tulipotoka...

Je, mnaweza kukumbuka hapa ni wapi na ilikuwa kipindi gani????

Alcohol tester...

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and
the director started looking for a new one to hire.  
A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.  
They tested him.  
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,
"It's red wine, a musket, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."  "That’s correct", said the boss.    Another glass.  "Its red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels."  "Correct."    The director was astonished.  He winked at his secretary to suggest something.    She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.    "It's a blonde, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.  And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll also tell who’s the father!"

Vitukozzzz...

wathungu hamnazo...!

 wazungu kwa kutuharibia wa-afrika?!?!?!? sasa ndio nini kumwita 'naked baby killer' na kumwekea rangi ya mwafrika?

 kikosi maalumu!

 wajepu nao????

 haka kamnyama vipi????

 eeh! ndio, usalama kwanza...

sawa, tumekubali...

Are you infected? read below to find out...

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially
dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.  This virus is called
Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).  If you receive WORK from your boss, any of
your colleagues or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!  This virus
will wipe out your private life entirely.  If you should come into contact with WORK you should
immediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest liquor store and purchase one or both of the antidotes -
Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). 
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

R.I.P. Sister Joyce Robert Marwa (Nyangi)

Different ways how to spot a millionaire...

ukiangalia kwa makini utagundua... hawa wadada wamewapenda kweli hawa wadau???? au masuala ya mfuko!!!!

picha ya leo...

Favorite Quotation...

"I don't know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everybody" Bill Cosby

Mzee wa kiraracha...

Augustine Lyatonga Mrema, Mzee wa Kiraracha... sasa atarudi kwa shepu... na blackberry itapatikana, wacha azugie kwa mara ya mwisho hicho cha tochi huku akisubiria mshiko wa bunge.

BATMAN BIN SUPARMAN...

Airport Security        :         What's your Name?  

Passenger                :         Batman    
                                             
Airport Security        :         Your real name please?    Passenger                :         My name is Bat-Man              
Airport Security        :         Are you trying to be funny? What is your family name?
Passenger                :         Superman                                                    
Airport Security handcuffs him & puts him into a locked security room    
Then they checked his Passport...
.

R.I.P. The Late Alfred S. S. Mosha

The Late Alfred S. S. Mosha (1944 - 1994)

Story Of Appreciation... Parents & Children

By John V.C. R. - DSM.

One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

  

 He passed the first interview; the director did the last interview, made the last decision. The director discovered from the CV, that the youth's academic result is excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research, never was a year he did not score.

  The director asked, "Did you obtain any scholarship in school?" and the youth answered "none". The director asked, "Is it your father who paid for your school fees?" the youth answered, my father passed away when I was one year old, it is my mother who paid for my school fees.

    The director asked, "Where did your mother work?" the youth answered, my mother worked as a cloth cleaner. The director requested the youth to show his hand, the youth showed a pair of hand that were smooth and perfect to the director.

The director asked, " Did you ever help your mother wash the clothes before?" The youth answered, never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books, furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me. The director said, I have a request, when you go back today, go and help to clean your mother's hand, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that as the chance of landing the job is high, when he went back, he happily wanted to clean his mother's hand, his mother felt strange, happy but mixed with fear, she showed her hands to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother's hand slowly, his tears dropped down as he did that.  It is the first time he found his mother's hands so wrinkled, and there are so many bruises in her hand. Some bruises incite pains so strong that shiver his mother's body when cleaned with water.

This is the first time the youth realized and experienced that it is this pair of hand that washed the cloth everyday to earn him the school fees, the bruises in the mother's hand is the price that the mother paid for his graduation and academic excellence and probably his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother hand, the youth quietly cleaned all remaining clothes for his mother. That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office. The director noticed the tear in the youth's eye, asked: “Can you tell what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered, " I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes' The director asked, “please tell me your feeling."

    The youth said :
    Number 1, I knew what is appreciation, without my mother, there would not the successful me today.
    Number 2, I knew how to work together with my mother, then only I can realize how difficult and tough to get something done.
    Number 3, I knew the importance and value of family relationship.
    The director said, " This is what I am asking, I want to recruit a person that can appreciate the help of other, a person that knew the suffering of others to get thing done, and a person that would not put money as his only goal in life to be my manager. You are hired.
    Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates, every employees worked diligently and in a team, the company's result improved tremendously.
     

A child who had been protected and habitually given whatever he did, he developed "entitlement mentality" and always put himself first. He is ignorant of his parent's effort. When he started work, he assumed every people must listen to him, and when he became a manager, he would never know how suffering his employee and always blame others.  For this kind of people, he can have good result, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement, he will grumble and full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parent, did we love the kid or destroy the kid?

You can let your kid live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plate and bowl together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way.  You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow grey, same as the mother of that young person.

     

The most important thing is your kid  learn how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learn the ability to work with others to get things done.

Bongo tambarare...

Bongo tambarare... kama hutaki wewe tuu! habari ndio hiyo...

Gado nae kwa utani...

Wanangu wapenzi...

 My beautiful daughters from left is Julie and Ivanna.

Harusi ya mwaka...

Busara za midume...

LITTLE JOHNNY this Monday...

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development." At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little Girls stay behind for 5 minutes. Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's' rude remarks. It is very likely that for tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems, when he says anything that appears rude, Get up and leave the class room" Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day, teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go Ahead Anita" Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes Koosie!" Koosie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My Daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home" Teacher: "Excellent, thank you Koosie!" At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the teacher asks:"Oh heavens, tell me Johnny what new development is being built near your home." Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a strip-club" As all the young ladies got up and proceeded to leave, Little Johnny says, "Hey relax you little prostitutes, it hasn't opened yet!"