Hii kitu haina urafiki..!!!

Kama kufuli la kichwani limeshindikana hayo mengine ni bure tu!!!! Soma hii...

Juma alimua kusafiri kwenda mbali. Akamvika mkewe chupi ya chumyenyea  kufuli. Ufunguo wa chupi alimwachia rafiki yake mkubwa na kipenzi kwa maelezo kuwa asiporudi baada ya miaka minne amfungulie mkewe ili aishi maisha ya kawaida.

Juma alianza safari yake. Muda si mrefu kabla hajafika mbali akamwona rafiki
yake kipenzi anamkimbilia…. akasimama kumsubiri kujua kulikoni.

Akauliza: Vipi rafiki yangu? Rafiki akajibu; umenipa ufunguo ambao si wenyewe!!!

Swali:- Amejuaje kama sio ufunguo wenyewe??? Inamaana alijaribu mapema sana, hata jamaa hajafika mbali! Na hakuona aibu kumwita na kuhiaji ufunguo wenyewe!!! kuna urafiki kwenye hii kitu kweli???

There are three (3) types of women according to men's perspective.

1. HOUSEWIVES

Advantages
* She stays home and takes care of kids and household chores.
* She is always good in bed because she is never tired.
* Will always cook a good meal (NO NANDOS, Steers, etc)

Disadvantages

* You will never know what she does when you are at work.
* She behaves like your mother when you come home late.
*When ever there?s a misunderstanding, she is quick to say you
are using her (..but its quite the opposite ( confusion at its best!!! )
* She bitches when you watch TV too long.
* You can't play your music loud.

2. PROFESSIONAL / MILLENNIUM / WORKING - LADIES

Advantages
* She does not need your money
* She can lend you her car (latest model BMW/Volvo), u can boast to your friends that u have a connected Cherrie!! Pssst!!!
*You can even date other women with her car!!!
* She has a credit card and petrol coupon for u when u r down and out.

Disadvantages
* She is generally BAD IN BED. Its either she is too tired or doesn't
just feel like it and u dont have to wonder why we keep more than one of those at a time!!!.)
*You'll have take-away for dinner 6 times a week (AT LEAST!!)
* She thinks she owns you; more than your mother does sometimes.
* She hates your friends; u can't even go to the stadium once a month.
* She always tells you to get a better job, car, house etc. (the list
goes on, COZ SHE MOST LIKELY EARNS MORE THAN YOU DO!!!)
* You won't have a life with this one. They have no respect; they will insult you / your mother in English and French....

3. GOLD DIGGERS (Poly Students, College girls, Campus chicks, High School students etc etc - generally referred to as Weekend Accessories)

Advantages
* VERY VERY GOOD IN BED (Holy Benjamin - Lord have mercy!!!wow!).

Disadvantages
* She makes sure she leaves you penniless. (Airtime, lunch, hair do, cosmetics, etc!!!) And then spends the money on her "real boyfriend"
* She tells you she is on a pill, but she is pregnant within 3 months of the relationship.
*When ever there?s a misunderstanding, she is quick to say you are using her (..but its quite the opposite ( confusion at its best!!! )
* She sues for maintenance costs, especially if you are prominent and takes the story to the Sani, Ijumaa, Kasheshe ....
* She is sexy isn't she..& that makes many men want them!!??!! DAMN!!!

Ni Robo Tu Ya Wanaume Wa Dar Wenye Mbegu Zenye Rutuba

IMEFAHAMIKA, kuwa idadi ya wanaume wa Kitanzania wenye mbegu za uzazi

zisizorutubisha hivyo kutoweza kurutubisha yai la mwanamke na kusababisha mimba inaongezeka. Kwa mujibu wa gazeti la ‘ The Citizen’ toleo la Jumamosi ( Leo), Julai 17,2010 zaidi ya asilimia 35 ya wanaume wanaofanya vipimo vya rutuba za mbegu za uzazi wamegundulika kuwa hawana.

Mara nyingi lawama za kukosa mtoto katika familia zimekuwa zikielekezwa kwa
mwanammke kutokana na wanaume wengi kutokuwa na ujasiri wa kujitokeza kupima rutuba zao. Mazingira ya kazi, Mtindo wa maisha na hata hata kukaa kwa muda mrefu kwenye chumba chenye mvuke ni baadhi ya sababu zinazochangia wanaume kupungikwa rutuba za mbegu za uzazi.

Katika jiji la Dar es Salaam pekee, inaaminika kuwa ni asilimia 24.9 tu ya
wanaume wa Dar es Salaam walio na mbegu za uzazi zenye rutuba, hivyo, wenye
uwezo wa kurutubisha yai la mwanamke na hivyo basi, mimba kutokea.
Utafiti huo umefanywa na Idara ya Jinikolojia ya Hospitali ya Taifa Ya
Muhimbili.

Paul Who????

VUVUZELLA...

 

You can play the VUVUZELA, but at your own risk!!!!

Ndege na miziki ya Ray Charles...

All that Diego Maradona wants is 'to get luxury toilets' at World Cup 2010

Final preparations are being made at the hotels and other temporary South African residences for the visiting teams ahead of next month's World Cup. For the University of Pretoria's High Performance Center, that means coming up with a whole lot of salad varieties and  tearing up bathrooms to meet Argentina manager Diego Maradona's high toilet standards.
According to the South African Times, the Argentine Football Association's requests start out simple enough. All the rooms are to be painted white and six PlayStations are required for the players. The decadence starts to show when it comes to the food requests, though. They include:

— Ten hot dishes a day as well as 14 different salads for every meal;
— Three different pasta sauces with each meal and at least three puddings;
— A braai once in three days; and
— Ice cream available all day.

I'm assuming the 24-hour ice cream is for Maradona, but why would they possibly need 14 different salads for every single meal?! I don't think I could even name 14 different salads.
On top of that, the center also had to frantically replace the standard sinks and toilets in the two bathrooms reserved for Maradona last Thursday at the request of the AFA.

The Pretoria center's chief operations officer, Colin Stier, said: "They felt that it (the basins and toilet bowls) were not up to Maradona's standards."

And those standards are apparently very high. The Telegraph shares details on Maradona's new toilet seat of the future:

The E-Bidet features a heated seat, a warm air blow-dryer and front and rear bidet wands. It sells for 450 dollars (358 euros) at online retailer sandman.com, which bills it as "the world's best toilet seat".

How could you ever endure a cold, wandless toilet seat again after you've experienced that?
For comparison's sake, the Times says that the Brazilian team requires "hot hot coffee, hot hot coffee and hot hot coffee," plus "a lot" of cookies and no chocolate where they're staying.
The Slovakians and North Koreans are keeping the requests simple, too:

Only two items feature on the Slovakians' wish list — two table tennis tables and an electronic dartboard.[...]
The North Koreans had only two simple requests — Korean rice with all meals, and the exclusive use of an entire floor of the Protea hotel in Midrand.

Meanwhile, the Italians are bringing their own pasta, of course, and the Mexicans are bringing their own priest. 
I'm sure that once everyone hears about those Maradona toilets, they're all going to want them, though.

HOUSE BOY: BAKARI

Bakari is a house boy who every day drinks the wine of his Boss and puts water in the bottle to replace what he drank. But the Boss having suspicions as for the quality of the wine, he decides to buy pastis (a French wine that changes colour if you add water).

Bakari as usual, takes a mouthful and add water to replace what he drank However, soon after he added water the pastis became milky.

When the Boss came back and noticed it, he was sure he had managed to nail Bakari as thief!!! At that same moment Bakari realized he was in trouble and decided to go into the kitchen.

The Boss told his wife that 'Mary, you will see today,he will be obliged
to acknowledge'. So he calls Bakari.

He shouted: 'Bakari!'.
Bakari answered: 'Yes, Boss'.
Boss: 'Who drank my pastis?'.
No answer.
The Boss reiterated his question: 'Who drank my wine?'Still;
No answer.
Then the Boss went to fetch Bakari from the kitchen and says to him:
You insane or what? Why when I call you, you say yes boss' but when I
ask you a question you don't
answer me?

Bakari retorted that 'It is that boss, when you are in the kitchen there, you don't hear anything at all, except the name.

Then to prove that Bakari lies, the Boss says to him: 'You stay beside Madam here, me I go in the kitchen, and you ask me a question '. Bakari accepted and the Boss went in the kitchen.

Bakari shouted: 'Boss'.
He answered: 'Yes, Bakari'.
Bakari continued:  'Who goes in the maid bedroom when the Madam is not
here? '.
No answer.
Bakari shouted again: 'Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?'
No answer.
Bakari shouted again (third time): 'Boss, I say who made the maid
pregnant?'

The Boss returns from the kitchen running and says, Bakari; it is true, you are right. When one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, only the name!

cheka unenepe...

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
--------------- Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
--------------------------expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
----------------but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules
the world! Now that's Attitude...!!!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
-----------------------and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affairs.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim..
-----------------------------They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his mother in-law in a pond of Crocodiles?
----------------------He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping
from a building, lying on train tracks,
---------------------------but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!

9. All desirable things in life are either --------------------------- illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

10. "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

Kashfa Ktk NDOA; kina dada, punguzenu kubwabwaja!!!!

Tafadhalini sikieni hiki kisa!!!!!!!!!!

Mama alikuwa na watoto watatu na hana MUME (single parent). Mtoto wa kwanza ni wa kiume na ana baba yake, wadogo wawili ni wa kike na wana baba yao. Mama kawasomesha watoto wake vizuri kwani wote wana shahada za uzamili (Master Degrees) ktk fani tofauti-tofauti.

Kaka alioa mdada BONGO FLAVOUR na mapenzi yao yalikuwa mazuri sana hadi pale walipogombana na mke kuamua kumkashfu (labda kumweleza ukweli), kashfa aliyodhani kuwa itamuumiza mwenzake hadi kumoyo na maini. Mke alimwambia mume "tatizzo la watu ambao hawakulelewa na kina BABA wanaoelewa hawajui mapenzi kabisa, hata uwafanyie nini hawawezi ku-appriciate.

Mume kusikia hivyo aliamua kutofanya lolote zaidi ya;
-Kumuachia gari la kuendea kazini ya yeye kuanza kupanda dalala.
-Kula chakula nje ya nyumba yao ingawa nyumbani wanapika
-Hela ya chakula na matumizi ya nyumbani inaachwa kama kawaida
-Hakuna maongezi wa mama yake maongezi
-Wanalala kitanda kimoja lakini hakuna mawasiliano yeyote
-Mke haruhusiwi kumfanyia mume vitu ambavyo katika hali ya kawaida anatakiwa kuwa anamfanyia kama kufua na kupiga pasi. Mume alikuwa akifanya mwenyewe au kwa dobi na vitu kama hivyo.

Mke alianza kupungua kwa mawazo na kujaribu kumrai mume wake amsamehe lakini mume alikuwa mara zote akigoma. Mambo yalipochacha mke alijifunga kibwebwe na kumvaa mama-mkwe na kumuelezea kila kitu. Bahati mbaya mamamkwe naye akija juu kwa kutukanwa kuwa ni malaya na hivyo kumfukuza na kutomsaidia mkamwana wake.

Mke aliamua kufunga safari kwenda Dodoma kwa Mjomba mtu aliyekuwa anasimama kama Baba na alimuaga mume wake na kupatiwa nauli ya kwenda huko. Ashukuriwe Mungu kwani Mjomba alikuw mwelewa na kukubali kumsaidia mkamwana wake. Mjomba aliongea na dadaye na kuyaweka sawa kabla ya kumvaa mume mtu.

Wanandoa hao kwasasa amani imerejea ktk nyumba. Tatizo ni kuwa haijulikani kama kweli amani hiyo ina upendo ule wa awali. UPENDO ILHALI WEWE NI MWANAHARAMU?

NB: Hamna kitu kibaya ktk ndoa kama kashfa; bahati mbaya dada zetu sababu ya kujua kuongea kuliko waume zao wamekuwa na kauli chafu na bila kuzifanyia kwanza uchambuzi kujua athari zake.

AMEKWISHAANZA! Jose Mourinho...

“I am Jose Mourinho and I don’t change – I arrive with all my qualities and my defects”

"I like to give myself a challenge and this is a big one,". "I have a lot of confidence in myself and my ability as a coach."

"I don't know if I was born to coach Real Madrid but I was born to be a football coach,"

"My attraction to Real Madrid is due to its history, its frustrations in recent years and its expectations to win”

"It's a unique club and I believe that not to coach Real leaves a void in a coach's career”

"The beauty is not so much to train or play at Real, but to win at Real Madrid”

"I have a lot of confidence in my players, I have the hope that my new players have confidence in me."

"I understand that Ronaldo is an important player for Real and for the world of football,"

"Cristiano likes to win, so if he likes to win it is not difficult to persuade him the most important thing is not the coach or the players but the club”.

"The sacking of Pellegrini doesn't make me happy. I am never happy when a coach is sacked, but football is like that,"

"I am a coach that has a lot of self-esteem and confidence and I don't think about the possibility of being sacked”

"I think a coach needs to be ready to be sacked. But if a coach fears that, he doesn't work well and has great problems,"

"I think four years of contract is enough to win, to build a strong team for the present and the future."

"I don't know if I was born to coach Real Madrid, but I was born to be a football coach. I love important challenges”

"I am very enthusiastic. I want my players to think that way. The beauty is not so much to train or play at Real, but to win at Real Madrid."

"I don't feel any kind of different pressure. I am a coach that improves day-by-day. I arrive with everything a coach can win at club football.''

"I am not anti-Barcelona. I am coach of Real but Barca doesn't worry me. My only concern is to grow Real. Barca are great rivals and we respect them. If I am hated at Barcelona, it is their problem but not mine. Fear is not a word in my football dictionary.''

"I hope my former players can win everything in Italy but not the Champions League,''  "I cannot forget the group that I've had. Inter has a team for the future”

They will need a quality coach and the coach that arrives will need to be intelligent and follow the path he needs to follow. Whoever arrives will be lucky because they will get the chance to play in three finals, the Italian Super Cup, European Super Cup and World Club tournament, a present I have left.''

cheka unenepe...

NO. 1
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The next day, their driver died of poisoning.

NO.2
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked Dad why? He answered so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum.

NO.3
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.

Organization Chart described so clearly...

When top level guys look down, they see only shit;
When bottom level guys look up, they see only assholes...
JE NI KWELI WADAU?????

Wachina noma...

Kwa hili, kama kweli wachina wameshiriki... basi sinabudi kuwavulia kofia!!!! "My hat's off to Chinese...."

Dawa za kichina noma!!!!

How old do you think I am?

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets! her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

Enzi hizo...

hapa rais jafar el nimeiri wa sudan akisalimiana na omar
zimbwe huku mohamed chuma (shoto) na nahodha
abdulrahmani wakishuhudia. nyuma yao ni kitwana manara 'popat'
na abdallah king kibaden mputa. hapa staazi walicheza vifua wazi
na sudan baada ya kukosekana jezi. mwalimu nyerere aliyehudhuria
mechi hii na mgeni wake hakuonekana tena mpirani toka siku hiyo....

Majina mengine bana...

Duka la vinasa lafunguliwa Dubai...

wazo la leo... urembo!

utapenda na maziwa?

Rais Obama na mkewe Michelle...

wadau mnakubaliana nami kwamba wamependeza sana... DUH! Namzimia sana Obama na mkewe

wanaume wa shoka...

JK na Comrade Armando Guebuza (Rais wa Msumbiji)

Rais Banda wa Zambia, JK (kati) na Kamanda Robert Mugabe, kulia (Rais wa Zimbabwe huru)

JK akimkaribisha Rais Jacob Zuma wa Afrika ya Kusini

Ahksante mkutano wa dunia wa uchumi (WEF). Kufanyika kwake Tanzania tunategemea kutaifanya nchi yetu izidi kuwa tambarare...

Umaru Mussa Yar'Adua Amefariki

Raisi wa Nigeria Umaru Yar'Adua (pichani) amefariki dunia siku ya Jumatano mwezi wa tano akiwa na miaka 58. Marehemu Yar'Adua alikuwa na matatizo ya moyo pamoja na figo.

Marehemu Yar'Adua atazikwa leo siku ya Alhamisi mchana katika kijiji cha Katsina nchini Nigeria.

Yar'Adua hakujishughulisha na mambo ya siasa kama raisi wa Nigeria tangu mwezi wa kumi na moja alipokuwa ameenda kutibiwa nchini Saudia Arabia. Alirudi chini Nigeria mwezi wa pili lakini alishindwa kuendesha shughuli za kiserikali kutokana na kuumwa.

Msaidizi wa Raisi Mh. Goodluck Jonathan atashikilia madaraka mpaka mwezi wa nne, mwaka 2011 utakapofanyika uchaguzi mwingine.

Marehemu Yar'Adua alikuwa ni msomi wa kwanza kutoka cho kikuu kuchukua madaraka, alishinda uchaguzi mwezi wa nne mwaka 2007.

Yar'Adua alipewa jina la "Baba Go-Slow", kutokana na utendaji wake wa kazi.

Historia yake.

Yar'Adua, alizaliwa katika mji wa Katsina mwezi wa nane tarehe 16 mwaka 1951, alikuwa muislamu.

Ametokea katika familia yenye kufuata mchakato wa kisiasa. Baba yake alikuwa waziri na kaka yake alikuwa mtu wa pili katika serikali ya Raisi Obasanjo's toka mwaka 1976 mpaka 1979.

Alisoma katika chuo kikuu cha Ahmadu Bello University Zaria kutoka mwaka 1972 mpaka 1975 masomo ya Chemist. Amesomea masomo ya MSc toka 1978-1980.

Alianza kusomesha Chemistry kabla ya kuingia katika biashara mwaka 1980s alikuwa mkurugenzi katika kampuni ya Sambo Farms Ltd katika mji wa Katsina.

Alichaguliwa kuungoza mji wa Katsina 1999 na kuchaguliwa tena kuongoza mji huo mwaka 2003. Maremu Yar'Adua alioa mwaka 1975 alijaaliwa kupata watoto saba.

Habari kwa hisani ya Ally Muhdin wa TZ-ONE.Blogspot.com

kizazi kipya...

watoto wa kizazi kipya... ukicheza nae, naye pia anakuchezea...

Mambo ya bajeti vs kugoma!

The Hummer...

GARI LA UKWELI... KWA PORI HILI... NOMA!

TRANSSEXUALISM...

Leo tuangalie maradhi mengine yaitwayo Transsexualism. Mwenye maradhi haya anaitwa Transsexual (inasomwa Trans - sekshual). Mgonjwa huyu huwa na tamaa ya kuwa na jinsia tofauti na ile aliyonayo, kwa mfano, mwanaume anatamani kuwa mwanamke, na mwanamke anatamani kuwa mwanaume.

Wagonjwa wa Transsexual hufikia kiwango cha kutaka kubadilishwa maumbo yao, hata kwa njia ya operesheni au kwa kutumia madawa yanayoweza kubadilisha hali zao za asili.

Kule Ulaya na Marekani, na sehemu nyingine zinazofuata nyayo za "maendeleo", ambako watu wamekubuhu katika fani ya ufuska, baadhi ya watu wamediriki kwenda hospitali na kufanyiwa operesheni kuondolewa sehemu zao za viungo zinazowanasibisha na jinsi yao asilia.

Katika jamii yetu, japo hakuna hospitali za kubadilisha jinsi za watu, wapo wanaume wanaoonyesha silka za kike katika maisha yao. Mfano hai ni pale tunapowaona watu waliopewa majina ya "anti" fulani, au wale wanaoshiriki katika ngoma za "kibao kata". Hawa ni wagonjwa mahututi.

Maradhi haya hupenyeza vile vile hadi kuingilia majukumu ya kijinsia. Kwa mfano, katika jamii yoyote ya watu waungwana, mahusiano ya ndoa huwa baina ya watu wenye jinsia tofauti, lakini tunasikia na kusoma kwenye vyombo vya habari kwamba kule Ulaya, kwenye maendeleo wanaume kwa wanaume wanafunga ndoa, tena Kanisani; na vile vile mahusiano ya wanawake kwa wanawake (Lesbianism) ni jambo la kawaida lililopewa kibali na mamlaka ya nchi.

Katika hali ya kimaumbile, viumbe hutofautiana kijinsia katika hali tatu tofauti, ambazo kitaalamu zinaitwa gender. Kuna viumbe vyenye hali ya kiume (Masculine gender), vyenye hali za kike (feminine gender) na vyenye hali haidi, yaani isiyo ya kike wala ya kiume (neutral gender). Transsexualism ni hali ya mtu kujibadilisha (kifikra au kifizikia) kutoka katika hali yake ya kijinsia ya asilia, na kujifanya kuwa na hali nyingine. Hivyo, hata kujitoa katika hali ya kike au ya kiume na kujiweka katika hali haidi (isiyo ya kike wala kiume) pia ni Transsexualism.

Wapo wanawake, kwa mfano, waliotoka katika hali yao ya kike (feminine gender) na kuwa haidi (neutral). Hawa wamefikia hali hii baada ya kuielewa vibaya dhana ya "ukombozi wa mwanamke".

Dhana hii ya "ukombozi wa mwanamke" ni dhana nzuri, kwani ni kweli wapo wanawake wengi wanonyanyaswa, kuonewa na kudhulumiwa kutokana na mila na mienendo ya jamii zao, lakini dhana ya "usawa" imewafanya wanawake wengi kutaka kuwa "sawa" na wanaume hata kimaumbile.

Jamii za kinyonyaji zimechukua fursa (advantage) ya propaganda ya "usawa" wa wanawake na wanaume kwa kumtaka mwanamke amenyeke katika kazi sawa na wanaume bila ya kujali maumbile yake. Sasa hivi katika jamii yetu kumeletwa miradi mbalimbali, eti ya kuwakomboa wanawake, na kumeenezwa vitengo vinavyoshughulikia "mitandao" ya kijinsia, lakini ukweli wa mambo ni kwamba nchi hizo hizo zinazotaka kuleta ukombozi ndizo hizo zilizoleta ukoloni na zinatuletea ukoloni mamboleo, na ndizo hizo hizo zinatuletea dhana ya "ukombozi". Mimi sioni ukombozi unaofanyika zaidi ya kuwatia wanawake maradhi, hasa haya ya kisaikolojia kama vile Exhibitionism (wendawazi), Lesbianism (usagaji) na haya maradhi ya wanawake kutaka kuwa sawa na wanaume ambayo tunayaita kichaa cha kijinsia. Maradhi yanayosumbua nchi zao, na kuziparaganyisha familia zao wanaya leta huku kwetu.

Sehemu nyingi za kikazi zilizokuwa mahsusi kwa wanaume sasa hivi zimeshikwa na wanawake, na jamii hizi zianzowafanyisha kazi wanawake sambamba na wanaume, chini ya nembo ya "usawa", hujisifia kuwa na idadi kubwa ya wanawake maofisini na viwandani, lakini watu, hata wanawake wenyewe, wamesahau kuwa mwanamke ana kazi kubwa ambayo katika Uislamu huhesabika kama Jihaad.

Dunia leo ina mamilioni na mamilioni ya watu. Kila mwanaadamu unayemuona anatembea katika mgongo wa ardhi ni lazima alimtesa mwanamke. Mwanamke alimbeba binaadamu huyu tumboni mwake, kwa tabu na mashaka makubwa, kwa muda wa miezi tisa, na siku ya kujifungua, mwanamke alipata uchungu mkubwa unaosemekana kuwa unakaribia uchungu wa kutoka roho (na wanawake wengine hufa kwa uchungu huu).

Baada ya hapo, mtoto anakuwa akitegemea kumnyonya mama yake kwa zaidi ya mwaka mmoja. Huyu mwanamke pia anakuwa mwalimu wa kwanza wa binaadamu. Ukifikiria yote haya ndipo inakuwepo hoja kuwa, mwanaume, ambaye hapati tabu katika mahusiano yake na mwanamke, zaidi ya raha za kimapenzi, inabidi yeye ndiye ahenyeke kwa uchungu na ugumu wa kazi za uzalishaji mali katika jamii, lakini mtu anang’ang’ania wanawake wawe sawa na wanaume katika uzalishaji mali, wakati yeye mwanaume hawezi kuwa sawa na wanawake katika uzalishaji watu.

Kwa vile wanawake wamevamia uwanja wa uzalishaji mali sawa na wanaume, basi wengi wao wanaona iko haja ya kuepuka jukumu lao la kuzaa watoto, ili waweze kufanya kazi kwa nafasi, sawa na wanaume. Basi wanawake hawa hukwepa uzazi (asili yao) kwa kuzuia mimba, kunyofoa mimba au kuua watoto, maana wasiposhika mimba kama wanaume wasivyoshika mimba ndio watakuwa wachapakazi wazuri. Matokeo yake, wanawake wanatoka kwenye uanauke na kuwa hawawezi kuwa wanaume, wanabakia kuwa haidi (neutral).

Kwa vile wanaume nao eti wanachangia sana katika "kuharibu" ufanisi wa wanawake, nao wanapigwa propaganda hadi wanakubali kufungwa kizazi. Utakuta mwanaume anafunga kizazi, eti kwa kuogopa "kumuathiri" mke wake. Basi mwanaume huyu naye huenda hospitali, akaonyoosha miguu, na wanaume wenzake wakamuondoa uwezo wake wa kuzaa. Anakubali kuwa haidi. Mwanaume anayejitoa uanaume kwa kuogopa kumzalisha mwanamke, ni wa ajabu sana. Kwa vile anajibadilisha kuwa haidi, basi na yeye anakuwa ni Transsexual, kwa vile kajitoa silka ya uume (masculinity) akajitia au akatiwa uhaidi (neutrality).

Kuna suala la kuwa na mke zaidi ya mmoja, ambalo pia hupigiwa kelele. Eti watu hung’ang’ania usawa, mume mmoja kwa mke mmoja (one-to-one-function). Suala la kuzingatia hapa ni kwamba, kuhusu uzazi, mwanamke ana uwezo wa kushika mimba ya mwanaume mmoja tu kwa mwaka mzima (miezi tisa ya kubeba mimba na angalau miezi mitatu ya kunyonyesha kabla ya hali ya kubeba mimba nyingine haijawa tayari). Lakini mwanaume, katika mwaka huo mmoja ana uwezo wa kuwapa mimba wanawake wengi mno. Mwanaume mwenye nguvu anaweza kuwapa mimba hata wanawake watatu kwa siku moja.

Lakini tumchukue mwanaume dhaifu, ambaye anaweza kumpa mimba mwanamke mmoja kila siku, ambaye yuko katika hali ya kuweza kushika mimba. Kwa hiyo, kwa wiki anaweza kuwapa mimba wanawake saba. Kwa mwezi wanawake 28. Kwa hiyo kwa mwaka, kama kila mwanamke atakayekutana naye atakuwa katika siku muafaka, ataweza kuwapa mimba wanawake 330 (28 mara miezi 12).

Hivyo kinadharia, kama kungekuwa na kazi maalum ya kuzaa ili kuijaza watu jamii fulani yenye hatari ya kutoweka, basi mwanaume mmoja anahitaji wanawake 330 kwa mwaka, wakati mwanamke mmoja anahitaji mwanaume mmoja tu kwa mwaka. Sasa kutaka mwanaume awe na mke mmoja tu, hata kama kuna sababu ya kuongeza mwingine, angalau mmoja ni kubadilisha jinsi ya mwanaume . Na hii ni kumgeuza Transsexual. Kimaumbile, mwanaume anahitaji zaidi ya mke mmoja, ibaki matashi yake tu na sababu nyingine za kiuwezo.

"Usawa" na uwepo, lakini tusibadili asili ya maumbile ya mtu. Shetani hupenda kuwashawishi watu wabadilike kinyume na Mwenyezi Mungu anavyowataka wawe, ndio maana akasema:

"Na nitawapoteza na nitawatumainisha na nitawaamrisha (ninavyotaka mimi) ... na nitawaamuru, nao watabadili umbile la Mwenyezi Mungu (alilowapa)..."
Qur’an 4:119

Waislamu tunatakiwa tuwe na msimamo wa Nabii Mussa, alipomjibu Firauni, kwa kumwambia:

"Mola wetu ni yule aliyekipa kila kitu umbo lake kisha akakiongoza (kufuata kinachoafiki umbo lake hilo)".

Qur’an 20:50

watani wa jadi...

Bongo ni tAMBARARE kinoma...

Mto juu ya mto, mtoni...

Mto juu ya mto, wadau... huu mto uliopo juu ya mto upo ujerumani... wadau mnaojua zaidi mtujuze...

Ushirikiano...

DEFINITIONS...

School
A place where Parents pay and children play

Life Insurance
A contract that keeps you poor all your life
so that you can die Rich.

Nurse:
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters..

Divorce
Future tense of Marriage.

Tears
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower..

Lecture
An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference
The confusion of one human being multiplied by the number present.

Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece

Dictionary
A place where success comes before work

Conference Room
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on

Father
A banker provided by nature

Criminal
A person no different from the rest
....except that he/she got caught


Boss
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and
your Confidence after

DOCTOR
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic
Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher
A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise

Three friends...

Three friends boarded a house-full bus. some how they sneaked their way in the center of the bus. They stopped besides a seat which was occupied by three girls.

The girls offered them seat on one condition that they (girls) will seat on their(men) laps after having the seat. The men agreed to the condition and had the seat and the girls on their lap as well.

After some time one girl said to the man on whose lap she was sitting, "Are you an electrical engineer?". The man was surprised and replied "yes but how did you know that."

The girl replied "I am receiving shocks from your solder gun".

After some time another girl asked to the man on whose lap she was sitting, "Are you a mechanical engineer." The man was also surprised and replied "yes but how did you know that."

On that the girl replied "your piston is hurting my cylinder."

After some time the third girl asked her man if he was a civil engineer. The man was also surprised and asked her how she knew that.

The third girl replied "Your dam has broken and flooded my village."

Motheri nomazzzz

Mom comes to visit her son Ernest for dinner........ who lives with a girl roommate Jane. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Ernest's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ernest and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ernest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Jane and I are just roommates." About a week later, Jane came to Ernest saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Ernest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote :
----------------------
Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Ernest
----------------------

Several days later, Ernest received an email from his Mother which read :
----------------------
Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jane, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jane. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...

Love, Mom.
----------------------

Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother

Proof That The World Is full of Nuts ideas...

By Shaibu Mdoe
DSM

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.


(Do they look different reversed?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.


(Much worse than 'going blind!')

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.


(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.

The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.

(Ah! Justice!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish tores.


(But of course!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.


(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


In Maryland, USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'



(Is this a great country or what?

Well, not as great as Guam!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.


(Who volunteers for these tests?)


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(Did our government pay for this research??)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



Butterflies taste with their feet.


(Ah, geez.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

******** And, the best for last? ********

Turtles can breathe through their butts.


(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Thank you all for reading this, if you need to reach the author in the near future he will be in Guam!!

Office Stress