Paul Who????

VUVUZELLA...

 

You can play the VUVUZELA, but at your own risk!!!!

Ndege na miziki ya Ray Charles...

All that Diego Maradona wants is 'to get luxury toilets' at World Cup 2010

Final preparations are being made at the hotels and other temporary South African residences for the visiting teams ahead of next month's World Cup. For the University of Pretoria's High Performance Center, that means coming up with a whole lot of salad varieties and  tearing up bathrooms to meet Argentina manager Diego Maradona's high toilet standards.
According to the South African Times, the Argentine Football Association's requests start out simple enough. All the rooms are to be painted white and six PlayStations are required for the players. The decadence starts to show when it comes to the food requests, though. They include:

— Ten hot dishes a day as well as 14 different salads for every meal;
— Three different pasta sauces with each meal and at least three puddings;
— A braai once in three days; and
— Ice cream available all day.

I'm assuming the 24-hour ice cream is for Maradona, but why would they possibly need 14 different salads for every single meal?! I don't think I could even name 14 different salads.
On top of that, the center also had to frantically replace the standard sinks and toilets in the two bathrooms reserved for Maradona last Thursday at the request of the AFA.

The Pretoria center's chief operations officer, Colin Stier, said: "They felt that it (the basins and toilet bowls) were not up to Maradona's standards."

And those standards are apparently very high. The Telegraph shares details on Maradona's new toilet seat of the future:

The E-Bidet features a heated seat, a warm air blow-dryer and front and rear bidet wands. It sells for 450 dollars (358 euros) at online retailer sandman.com, which bills it as "the world's best toilet seat".

How could you ever endure a cold, wandless toilet seat again after you've experienced that?
For comparison's sake, the Times says that the Brazilian team requires "hot hot coffee, hot hot coffee and hot hot coffee," plus "a lot" of cookies and no chocolate where they're staying.
The Slovakians and North Koreans are keeping the requests simple, too:

Only two items feature on the Slovakians' wish list — two table tennis tables and an electronic dartboard.[...]
The North Koreans had only two simple requests — Korean rice with all meals, and the exclusive use of an entire floor of the Protea hotel in Midrand.

Meanwhile, the Italians are bringing their own pasta, of course, and the Mexicans are bringing their own priest. 
I'm sure that once everyone hears about those Maradona toilets, they're all going to want them, though.

HOUSE BOY: BAKARI

Bakari is a house boy who every day drinks the wine of his Boss and puts water in the bottle to replace what he drank. But the Boss having suspicions as for the quality of the wine, he decides to buy pastis (a French wine that changes colour if you add water).

Bakari as usual, takes a mouthful and add water to replace what he drank However, soon after he added water the pastis became milky.

When the Boss came back and noticed it, he was sure he had managed to nail Bakari as thief!!! At that same moment Bakari realized he was in trouble and decided to go into the kitchen.

The Boss told his wife that 'Mary, you will see today,he will be obliged
to acknowledge'. So he calls Bakari.

He shouted: 'Bakari!'.
Bakari answered: 'Yes, Boss'.
Boss: 'Who drank my pastis?'.
No answer.
The Boss reiterated his question: 'Who drank my wine?'Still;
No answer.
Then the Boss went to fetch Bakari from the kitchen and says to him:
You insane or what? Why when I call you, you say yes boss' but when I
ask you a question you don't
answer me?

Bakari retorted that 'It is that boss, when you are in the kitchen there, you don't hear anything at all, except the name.

Then to prove that Bakari lies, the Boss says to him: 'You stay beside Madam here, me I go in the kitchen, and you ask me a question '. Bakari accepted and the Boss went in the kitchen.

Bakari shouted: 'Boss'.
He answered: 'Yes, Bakari'.
Bakari continued:  'Who goes in the maid bedroom when the Madam is not
here? '.
No answer.
Bakari shouted again: 'Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?'
No answer.
Bakari shouted again (third time): 'Boss, I say who made the maid
pregnant?'

The Boss returns from the kitchen running and says, Bakari; it is true, you are right. When one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, only the name!

cheka unenepe...

1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
--------------- Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
--------------------------expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian. Think about it.

3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
----------------but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules
the world! Now that's Attitude...!!!

5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did
-----------------------and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank & had no affairs.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim..
-----------------------------They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

7. A man threw his mother in-law in a pond of Crocodiles?
----------------------He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping
from a building, lying on train tracks,
---------------------------but we chose Marriage, slow & sure!

9. All desirable things in life are either --------------------------- illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

10. "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

Kashfa Ktk NDOA; kina dada, punguzenu kubwabwaja!!!!

Tafadhalini sikieni hiki kisa!!!!!!!!!!

Mama alikuwa na watoto watatu na hana MUME (single parent). Mtoto wa kwanza ni wa kiume na ana baba yake, wadogo wawili ni wa kike na wana baba yao. Mama kawasomesha watoto wake vizuri kwani wote wana shahada za uzamili (Master Degrees) ktk fani tofauti-tofauti.

Kaka alioa mdada BONGO FLAVOUR na mapenzi yao yalikuwa mazuri sana hadi pale walipogombana na mke kuamua kumkashfu (labda kumweleza ukweli), kashfa aliyodhani kuwa itamuumiza mwenzake hadi kumoyo na maini. Mke alimwambia mume "tatizzo la watu ambao hawakulelewa na kina BABA wanaoelewa hawajui mapenzi kabisa, hata uwafanyie nini hawawezi ku-appriciate.

Mume kusikia hivyo aliamua kutofanya lolote zaidi ya;
-Kumuachia gari la kuendea kazini ya yeye kuanza kupanda dalala.
-Kula chakula nje ya nyumba yao ingawa nyumbani wanapika
-Hela ya chakula na matumizi ya nyumbani inaachwa kama kawaida
-Hakuna maongezi wa mama yake maongezi
-Wanalala kitanda kimoja lakini hakuna mawasiliano yeyote
-Mke haruhusiwi kumfanyia mume vitu ambavyo katika hali ya kawaida anatakiwa kuwa anamfanyia kama kufua na kupiga pasi. Mume alikuwa akifanya mwenyewe au kwa dobi na vitu kama hivyo.

Mke alianza kupungua kwa mawazo na kujaribu kumrai mume wake amsamehe lakini mume alikuwa mara zote akigoma. Mambo yalipochacha mke alijifunga kibwebwe na kumvaa mama-mkwe na kumuelezea kila kitu. Bahati mbaya mamamkwe naye akija juu kwa kutukanwa kuwa ni malaya na hivyo kumfukuza na kutomsaidia mkamwana wake.

Mke aliamua kufunga safari kwenda Dodoma kwa Mjomba mtu aliyekuwa anasimama kama Baba na alimuaga mume wake na kupatiwa nauli ya kwenda huko. Ashukuriwe Mungu kwani Mjomba alikuw mwelewa na kukubali kumsaidia mkamwana wake. Mjomba aliongea na dadaye na kuyaweka sawa kabla ya kumvaa mume mtu.

Wanandoa hao kwasasa amani imerejea ktk nyumba. Tatizo ni kuwa haijulikani kama kweli amani hiyo ina upendo ule wa awali. UPENDO ILHALI WEWE NI MWANAHARAMU?

NB: Hamna kitu kibaya ktk ndoa kama kashfa; bahati mbaya dada zetu sababu ya kujua kuongea kuliko waume zao wamekuwa na kauli chafu na bila kuzifanyia kwanza uchambuzi kujua athari zake.

AMEKWISHAANZA! Jose Mourinho...

“I am Jose Mourinho and I don’t change – I arrive with all my qualities and my defects”

"I like to give myself a challenge and this is a big one,". "I have a lot of confidence in myself and my ability as a coach."

"I don't know if I was born to coach Real Madrid but I was born to be a football coach,"

"My attraction to Real Madrid is due to its history, its frustrations in recent years and its expectations to win”

"It's a unique club and I believe that not to coach Real leaves a void in a coach's career”

"The beauty is not so much to train or play at Real, but to win at Real Madrid”

"I have a lot of confidence in my players, I have the hope that my new players have confidence in me."

"I understand that Ronaldo is an important player for Real and for the world of football,"

"Cristiano likes to win, so if he likes to win it is not difficult to persuade him the most important thing is not the coach or the players but the club”.

"The sacking of Pellegrini doesn't make me happy. I am never happy when a coach is sacked, but football is like that,"

"I am a coach that has a lot of self-esteem and confidence and I don't think about the possibility of being sacked”

"I think a coach needs to be ready to be sacked. But if a coach fears that, he doesn't work well and has great problems,"

"I think four years of contract is enough to win, to build a strong team for the present and the future."

"I don't know if I was born to coach Real Madrid, but I was born to be a football coach. I love important challenges”

"I am very enthusiastic. I want my players to think that way. The beauty is not so much to train or play at Real, but to win at Real Madrid."

"I don't feel any kind of different pressure. I am a coach that improves day-by-day. I arrive with everything a coach can win at club football.''

"I am not anti-Barcelona. I am coach of Real but Barca doesn't worry me. My only concern is to grow Real. Barca are great rivals and we respect them. If I am hated at Barcelona, it is their problem but not mine. Fear is not a word in my football dictionary.''

"I hope my former players can win everything in Italy but not the Champions League,''  "I cannot forget the group that I've had. Inter has a team for the future”

They will need a quality coach and the coach that arrives will need to be intelligent and follow the path he needs to follow. Whoever arrives will be lucky because they will get the chance to play in three finals, the Italian Super Cup, European Super Cup and World Club tournament, a present I have left.''