NO. 1 A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife's nipples while she was asleep. The next day, their driver died of poisoning. NO.2 A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked Dad why? He answered so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum. NO.3 A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said sir you are my witness you know I never wear panties.
A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question.
The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29".
"I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets! her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's done. You are 47."
Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."
hapa rais jafar el nimeiri wa sudan akisalimiana na omar zimbwe huku mohamed chuma (shoto) na nahodha abdulrahmani wakishuhudia. nyuma yao ni kitwana manara 'popat' na abdallah king kibaden mputa. hapa staazi walicheza vifua wazi na sudan baada ya kukosekana jezi. mwalimu nyerere aliyehudhuria mechi hii na mgeni wake hakuonekana tena mpirani toka siku hiyo....
Raisi wa Nigeria Umaru Yar'Adua (pichani) amefariki dunia siku ya Jumatano mwezi wa tano akiwa na miaka 58. Marehemu Yar'Adua alikuwa na matatizo ya moyo pamoja na figo. Marehemu Yar'Adua atazikwa leo siku ya Alhamisi mchana katika kijiji cha Katsina nchini Nigeria. Yar'Adua hakujishughulisha na mambo ya siasa kama raisi wa Nigeria tangu mwezi wa kumi na moja alipokuwa ameenda kutibiwa nchini Saudia Arabia. Alirudi chini Nigeria mwezi wa pili lakini alishindwa kuendesha shughuli za kiserikali kutokana na kuumwa. Msaidizi wa Raisi Mh. Goodluck Jonathan atashikilia madaraka mpaka mwezi wa nne, mwaka 2011 utakapofanyika uchaguzi mwingine. Marehemu Yar'Adua alikuwa ni msomi wa kwanza kutoka cho kikuu kuchukua madaraka, alishinda uchaguzi mwezi wa nne mwaka 2007. Yar'Adua alipewa jina la "Baba Go-Slow", kutokana na utendaji wake wa kazi. Historia yake. Yar'Adua, alizaliwa katika mji wa Katsina mwezi wa nane tarehe 16 mwaka 1951, alikuwa muislamu. Ametokea katika familia yenye kufuata mchakato wa kisiasa. Baba yake alikuwa waziri na kaka yake alikuwa mtu wa pili katika serikali ya Raisi Obasanjo's toka mwaka 1976 mpaka 1979. Alisoma katika chuo kikuu cha Ahmadu Bello University Zaria kutoka mwaka 1972 mpaka 1975 masomo ya Chemist. Amesomea masomo ya MSc toka 1978-1980. Alianza kusomesha Chemistry kabla ya kuingia katika biashara mwaka 1980s alikuwa mkurugenzi katika kampuni ya Sambo Farms Ltd katika mji wa Katsina. Alichaguliwa kuungoza mji wa Katsina 1999 na kuchaguliwa tena kuongoza mji huo mwaka 2003. Maremu Yar'Adua alioa mwaka 1975 alijaaliwa kupata watoto saba.
Habari kwa hisani ya Ally Muhdin wa TZ-ONE.Blogspot.com
Leo tuangalie maradhi mengine yaitwayo Transsexualism. Mwenye maradhi haya anaitwa Transsexual (inasomwa Trans - sekshual). Mgonjwa huyu huwa na tamaa ya kuwa na jinsia tofauti na ile aliyonayo, kwa mfano, mwanaume anatamani kuwa mwanamke, na mwanamke anatamani kuwa mwanaume.
Wagonjwa wa Transsexual hufikia kiwango cha kutaka kubadilishwa maumbo yao, hata kwa njia ya operesheni au kwa kutumia madawa yanayoweza kubadilisha hali zao za asili.
Kule Ulaya na Marekani, na sehemu nyingine zinazofuata nyayo za "maendeleo", ambako watu wamekubuhu katika fani ya ufuska, baadhi ya watu wamediriki kwenda hospitali na kufanyiwa operesheni kuondolewa sehemu zao za viungo zinazowanasibisha na jinsi yao asilia.
Katika jamii yetu, japo hakuna hospitali za kubadilisha jinsi za watu, wapo wanaume wanaoonyesha silka za kike katika maisha yao. Mfano hai ni pale tunapowaona watu waliopewa majina ya "anti" fulani, au wale wanaoshiriki katika ngoma za "kibao kata". Hawa ni wagonjwa mahututi.
Maradhi haya hupenyeza vile vile hadi kuingilia majukumu ya kijinsia. Kwa mfano, katika jamii yoyote ya watu waungwana, mahusiano ya ndoa huwa baina ya watu wenye jinsia tofauti, lakini tunasikia na kusoma kwenye vyombo vya habari kwamba kule Ulaya, kwenye maendeleo wanaume kwa wanaume wanafunga ndoa, tena Kanisani; na vile vile mahusiano ya wanawake kwa wanawake (Lesbianism) ni jambo la kawaida lililopewa kibali na mamlaka ya nchi.
Katika hali ya kimaumbile, viumbe hutofautiana kijinsia katika hali tatu tofauti, ambazo kitaalamu zinaitwa gender. Kuna viumbe vyenye hali ya kiume (Masculine gender), vyenye hali za kike (feminine gender) na vyenye hali haidi, yaani isiyo ya kike wala ya kiume (neutral gender). Transsexualism ni hali ya mtu kujibadilisha (kifikra au kifizikia) kutoka katika hali yake ya kijinsia ya asilia, na kujifanya kuwa na hali nyingine. Hivyo, hata kujitoa katika hali ya kike au ya kiume na kujiweka katika hali haidi (isiyo ya kike wala kiume) pia ni Transsexualism.
Wapo wanawake, kwa mfano, waliotoka katika hali yao ya kike (feminine gender) na kuwa haidi (neutral). Hawa wamefikia hali hii baada ya kuielewa vibaya dhana ya "ukombozi wa mwanamke".
Dhana hii ya "ukombozi wa mwanamke" ni dhana nzuri, kwani ni kweli wapo wanawake wengi wanonyanyaswa, kuonewa na kudhulumiwa kutokana na mila na mienendo ya jamii zao, lakini dhana ya "usawa" imewafanya wanawake wengi kutaka kuwa "sawa" na wanaume hata kimaumbile.
Jamii za kinyonyaji zimechukua fursa (advantage) ya propaganda ya "usawa" wa wanawake na wanaume kwa kumtaka mwanamke amenyeke katika kazi sawa na wanaume bila ya kujali maumbile yake. Sasa hivi katika jamii yetu kumeletwa miradi mbalimbali, eti ya kuwakomboa wanawake, na kumeenezwa vitengo vinavyoshughulikia "mitandao" ya kijinsia, lakini ukweli wa mambo ni kwamba nchi hizo hizo zinazotaka kuleta ukombozi ndizo hizo zilizoleta ukoloni na zinatuletea ukoloni mamboleo, na ndizo hizo hizo zinatuletea dhana ya "ukombozi". Mimi sioni ukombozi unaofanyika zaidi ya kuwatia wanawake maradhi, hasa haya ya kisaikolojia kama vile Exhibitionism (wendawazi), Lesbianism (usagaji) na haya maradhi ya wanawake kutaka kuwa sawa na wanaume ambayo tunayaita kichaa cha kijinsia. Maradhi yanayosumbua nchi zao, na kuziparaganyisha familia zao wanaya leta huku kwetu.
Sehemu nyingi za kikazi zilizokuwa mahsusi kwa wanaume sasa hivi zimeshikwa na wanawake, na jamii hizi zianzowafanyisha kazi wanawake sambamba na wanaume, chini ya nembo ya "usawa", hujisifia kuwa na idadi kubwa ya wanawake maofisini na viwandani, lakini watu, hata wanawake wenyewe, wamesahau kuwa mwanamke ana kazi kubwa ambayo katika Uislamu huhesabika kama Jihaad.
Dunia leo ina mamilioni na mamilioni ya watu. Kila mwanaadamu unayemuona anatembea katika mgongo wa ardhi ni lazima alimtesa mwanamke. Mwanamke alimbeba binaadamu huyu tumboni mwake, kwa tabu na mashaka makubwa, kwa muda wa miezi tisa, na siku ya kujifungua, mwanamke alipata uchungu mkubwa unaosemekana kuwa unakaribia uchungu wa kutoka roho (na wanawake wengine hufa kwa uchungu huu).
Baada ya hapo, mtoto anakuwa akitegemea kumnyonya mama yake kwa zaidi ya mwaka mmoja. Huyu mwanamke pia anakuwa mwalimu wa kwanza wa binaadamu. Ukifikiria yote haya ndipo inakuwepo hoja kuwa, mwanaume, ambaye hapati tabu katika mahusiano yake na mwanamke, zaidi ya raha za kimapenzi, inabidi yeye ndiye ahenyeke kwa uchungu na ugumu wa kazi za uzalishaji mali katika jamii, lakini mtu anang’ang’ania wanawake wawe sawa na wanaume katika uzalishaji mali, wakati yeye mwanaume hawezi kuwa sawa na wanawake katika uzalishaji watu.
Kwa vile wanawake wamevamia uwanja wa uzalishaji mali sawa na wanaume, basi wengi wao wanaona iko haja ya kuepuka jukumu lao la kuzaa watoto, ili waweze kufanya kazi kwa nafasi, sawa na wanaume. Basi wanawake hawa hukwepa uzazi (asili yao) kwa kuzuia mimba, kunyofoa mimba au kuua watoto, maana wasiposhika mimba kama wanaume wasivyoshika mimba ndio watakuwa wachapakazi wazuri. Matokeo yake, wanawake wanatoka kwenye uanauke na kuwa hawawezi kuwa wanaume, wanabakia kuwa haidi (neutral).
Kwa vile wanaume nao eti wanachangia sana katika "kuharibu" ufanisi wa wanawake, nao wanapigwa propaganda hadi wanakubali kufungwa kizazi. Utakuta mwanaume anafunga kizazi, eti kwa kuogopa "kumuathiri" mke wake. Basi mwanaume huyu naye huenda hospitali, akaonyoosha miguu, na wanaume wenzake wakamuondoa uwezo wake wa kuzaa. Anakubali kuwa haidi. Mwanaume anayejitoa uanaume kwa kuogopa kumzalisha mwanamke, ni wa ajabu sana. Kwa vile anajibadilisha kuwa haidi, basi na yeye anakuwa ni Transsexual, kwa vile kajitoa silka ya uume (masculinity) akajitia au akatiwa uhaidi (neutrality).
Kuna suala la kuwa na mke zaidi ya mmoja, ambalo pia hupigiwa kelele. Eti watu hung’ang’ania usawa, mume mmoja kwa mke mmoja (one-to-one-function). Suala la kuzingatia hapa ni kwamba, kuhusu uzazi, mwanamke ana uwezo wa kushika mimba ya mwanaume mmoja tu kwa mwaka mzima (miezi tisa ya kubeba mimba na angalau miezi mitatu ya kunyonyesha kabla ya hali ya kubeba mimba nyingine haijawa tayari). Lakini mwanaume, katika mwaka huo mmoja ana uwezo wa kuwapa mimba wanawake wengi mno. Mwanaume mwenye nguvu anaweza kuwapa mimba hata wanawake watatu kwa siku moja.
Lakini tumchukue mwanaume dhaifu, ambaye anaweza kumpa mimba mwanamke mmoja kila siku, ambaye yuko katika hali ya kuweza kushika mimba. Kwa hiyo, kwa wiki anaweza kuwapa mimba wanawake saba. Kwa mwezi wanawake 28. Kwa hiyo kwa mwaka, kama kila mwanamke atakayekutana naye atakuwa katika siku muafaka, ataweza kuwapa mimba wanawake 330 (28 mara miezi 12).
Hivyo kinadharia, kama kungekuwa na kazi maalum ya kuzaa ili kuijaza watu jamii fulani yenye hatari ya kutoweka, basi mwanaume mmoja anahitaji wanawake 330 kwa mwaka, wakati mwanamke mmoja anahitaji mwanaume mmoja tu kwa mwaka. Sasa kutaka mwanaume awe na mke mmoja tu, hata kama kuna sababu ya kuongeza mwingine, angalau mmoja ni kubadilisha jinsi ya mwanaume . Na hii ni kumgeuza Transsexual. Kimaumbile, mwanaume anahitaji zaidi ya mke mmoja, ibaki matashi yake tu na sababu nyingine za kiuwezo.
"Usawa" na uwepo, lakini tusibadili asili ya maumbile ya mtu. Shetani hupenda kuwashawishi watu wabadilike kinyume na Mwenyezi Mungu anavyowataka wawe, ndio maana akasema:
"Na nitawapoteza na nitawatumainisha na nitawaamrisha (ninavyotaka mimi) ... na nitawaamuru, nao watabadili umbile la Mwenyezi Mungu (alilowapa)..." Qur’an 4:119
Waislamu tunatakiwa tuwe na msimamo wa Nabii Mussa, alipomjibu Firauni, kwa kumwambia:
"Mola wetu ni yule aliyekipa kila kitu umbo lake kisha akakiongoza (kufuata kinachoafiki umbo lake hilo)".
Three friends boarded a house-full bus. some how they sneaked their way in the center of the bus. They stopped besides a seat which was occupied by three girls.
The girls offered them seat on one condition that they(girls) will seat on their(men) laps after having the seat. The men agreed to the condition and had the seat and the girls on their lap as well.
After some time one girl said to the man on whose lap she was sitting, "Are you an electrical engineer?". The man was surprised and replied "yes but how did you know that."
The girl replied "I am receiving shocks from your solder gun".
After some time another girl asked to the man on whose lap she was sitting, "Are you a mechanical engineer." The man was also surprised and replied "yes but how did you know that."
On that the girl replied "your piston is hurting my cylinder."
After some time the third girl asked her man if he was a civil engineer. The man was also surprised and asked her how she knew that.
The third girl replied "Your dam has broken and flooded my village."
Mom comes to visit her son Ernest for dinner........ who lives with a girl roommate Jane. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Ernest's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ernest and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ernest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Jane and I are just roommates." About a week later, Jane came to Ernest saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Ernest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote :
----------------------
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house, I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the silver plate.. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Ernest
----------------------
Several days later, Ernest received an email from his Mother which read :
----------------------
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jane, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jane. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(Much worse than 'going blind!')
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time
Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands.
The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Ah! Justice!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical fish tores.
(But of course!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Maryland, USA it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only 'in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.'
(Is this a great country or what?
Well, not as great as Guam!)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for these tests?)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
(Did our government pay for this research??)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Starfish don't have brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
******** And, the best for last? ********
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
Thank you all for reading this, if you need to reach the author in the near future he will be in Guam!!
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY.
He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .
Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD Good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student : Yes.
Professor : My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent )
Professor : You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella. Is GOD Good?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Is Satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor : Where does Satan come from ?
Student : From . . . GOD . .. .
Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student : Yes.
Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor : So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer)
Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor : So, who Created them ?
(Student had no answer)
Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you.. Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor : Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor : Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol,
Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing.. I only have my Faith.
Professor : Yes,Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor : Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor : Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't.
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)
Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,
a Little Heat or No Heat.
But we don't have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.
(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )
Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something . You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .
But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it?
In reality, Darkness isn't.
If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor : So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor : Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )
Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor, Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The Class was in Uproar )
Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?
(The Class broke out into Laughter) Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . . .
No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol,
Science says that You have No Brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?
(The Room was Silent.. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)
Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student : That is it sir . . . Exactly !
The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.
NB:
That student was Albert Einstein. Concentrate on this sentence 'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did' When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better. Concentrate on this sentence.... . 'The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.'
Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.
Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.
Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a mosquito enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
A: The boy friend's hand.
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front
Ukimuona ni paka wa kawaida ambaye hana tofauti yoyote na paka wengine lakini inasemwa kuwa ana uwezo wa kuwatambua wagonjwa wanaokaribia kufariki hospitalini na hadi sasa imesemwa kuwa ameishafanikiwa kuvinusa vifo vya wagonjwa 50 kabla hata havijatokea
Paka anayejulikana kwa jina la Oscar hujisogeza na kukaa karibu na kitanda cha mgonjwa aliyebakiza muda mchache kufariki.
Iwapo ndugu wa mgonjwa huyo watamfukuza paka huyo nje ya chumba cha mgonjwa wao na kumfungia mlango, basi paka huyo hugoma kuondoka na huanza kuukwaruza mlango kwa nguvu aking'ang'ania kuingia ndani.
Paka Oscar ambaye huishi katika nyumba moja ya kutunza wagonjwa wazee iliyopo kwenye mji wa Province katika jimbo la Rhode Island nchini Marekani hupenda kuzungukazunguka toka chumba kimoja hadi kingine katika nyumba hiyo.
Inadaiwa kuwa Paka Oscar huwa hapendi kutumia muda wake pamoja na vikongwe katika nyumba hiyo isipokuwa wale tu ambao wanakaribia kufariki.
Tabia ya paka huyo ambaye hivi sasa ana umri wa miaka mitano, iligunduliwa mwaka 2007 na manesi wa nyumba hiyo ambao kwa jinsi walivyo na uhakika na uwezo wa paka Oscar huwataarifu familia ya mgonjwa anayezungukiwa sana na paka huyo kuwa mambo yanaelekea kuwa mabaya.
Katika kuonyesha uwezo wa paka huyo, siku moja manesi walimchukua paka huyo na kumweka kwenye kitanda cha mgonjwa ambaye waliamini atafariki dakika yoyote ile, lakini paka huyo alichoropoka na kukimbilia chumba cha pili yake.
Uamuzi wa paka Oscar ulijionyesha siku hiyo hiyo kwa mgonjwa wa chumba cha pili kufariki siku hiyo hiyo jioni wakati mgonjwa wa chumba cha kwanza aliendelea kuishi kwa angalau siku mbili kabla ya kufariki paka Oscar akiwa amerudi pembeni ya kitanda chake.
Wataalamu hivi sasa wanamfanyia uchunguzi paka huyo ambaye alianza kulelewa kwenye hospitali hiyo tangia alipokuwa kichanga.
Mmmoja wa wanasayansi anayemfanyia uchunguzi paka huyo, Dr David Dosa, ameelezea mshangao wake kwa uwezo wa paka huyo kutabiri bila kukosea vifo vya wagonjwa 50 katika kipindi cha miaka mitano.
Dokta Dosa anasema kuwa hakuna maelezo yoyote ya kisayansi kuelezea tabia ya paka huyo.
Katika tukio jingine, mwanaume mmoja aliyetajwa kwa jina la Richards aliamua kukaa pembeni ya kitanda cha mama yake muda wote baada ya madaktari kumwambia kuwa mama yake aliyekuwa mgonjwa mahututi angefariki muda wowote ule.
Richard bila kupumzika alikaa pembeni ya kitanda cha mama yake kwa siku tatu mfululizo lakini mama yake hakufariki.
Madaktari walimshauri Richard aende nyumbani kwake akapumzike kidogo kabla ya kurudi baadae. Richard kwa shingo upande alikubali kuondoka kwenda kwake kupumzika.
Muda mfupi baada ya kuondoka, mama yake alifariki. Hakufariki akiwa peke yake bali Oscar alikuwa pembeni yake.
Scientists have been able to reach into the mind of a brain-damaged man and communicate with his thoughts.
The research, carried out in the UK and Belgium, involved a new brain scanning method.
Awareness was detected in three other patients previously diagnosed as being in a vegetative state.
The study in the New England Journal of Medicine shows that scans can detect signs of awareness in patients thought to be closed off from the world.
Patients in a vegetative state are awake, not in a coma, but have no awareness because of severe brain damage. Scanning technique
The scientists used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) which shows brain activity in real time.
They asked patients and healthy volunteers to imagine playing tennis while they were being scanned.
In each of the volunteers this stimulated activity in the pre-motor cortex, part of the brain which deals with movement.
This also happened in four out of 23 of the patients presumed to be in a vegetative state.
An 80-year-old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with
normal results. The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great. How are
you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?'
George replies, 'God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so
he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the
bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes
off.'
'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the Doctor calls George's wife. 'Ethel,' he
says, 'George is doing fine! But I had to call you because I'm in awe of
his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and
poof! The light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! The
light goes off?'
'Oh my God!' Ethel exclaims. 'He's p*ssing in the fridge again!'
dubai1.jpg)
.jpg)
