Ma-soo mengine tunajitakia...

 Tuwe makini kwenye suala zima la kumalizia mwaka na kuanza mwaka mpya 2012... take care and all the best. KICHWANGUMU!

Kipindi hiki baadhi ya wanaume wanapokea simu na sms za aina hizii…..

1.'Dear, kodi ya pango inaisha January 2012 na mwenye nyumba ameongeza

kodi. I love you much!'

2.'Baby, xmas itakuwaje nataka nikafanye shopping Mariedo. Na nataka kwenda kusuka mwenge, naomba TShs 1,000,000. Xoxo.'

3.'Mpenzi, sasa Kova utamdanganya vipi kuhusu ile safari yetu ya Zanzibar on new year's eve? Missing you badly!'

4.'Sweetie, naomba uniongezee TShs 600,000 niweze kumalizia school fees ya mdogo wangu. Kiss and hug.'

5.'Mama na wadogo zangu watakuwepo wakati wa sikukuu hii. Kwahiyo naomba hela ya shopping ya chakula my love. Bye!'

6.'Sweetheart, nimeishiwa naomba pesa ya mafuta kama TShs 200,000 ukiweza please. Chat later baby.'

Kitchen Party kutoka Kaunta (Kaunta party) kwa wanawake walioolewa na wanaotarajia kuolewa...

Na Mwandishi wetu, Bongo.

Naheshimu sana mafunzo na mawaidha wanayopewa wanawake katika kitchen party zao, na nampa big up sana AdhaDii (kama sijakosea kwa uzi wake wa kuwanoa wake zetu aliouweka hapa siku kadhaa zilizopita. 

Pamoja na hayo, niwaambie tu kuwa huko mnaambiana namna ya kuishi kwenye ndoa kwa ujumla, ikiwemo namna ya 'kumridhisha' mumeo. Ni mazuri mnayoambiwa, ila yanakuwa na upungufu kidogo kwa sababu mnaambiwa na wanawake wenzenu tu. Sasa leo nimeona niwape japo kwa ufupi sana yale tunayopenda wanaume, mimi binafsi lakini nikitafuta wastani na yale ninayosikia kwa wanaume wenzangu tukiwa tumeketi kaunta tunapata moja barrdiii. (Kwa taarifa yenu, tukikaa mule tunadiscuss maendeleo hadi inapofikia chupa ya tatu, baada ya hapo tunaanza kudiscuss sketi zinazokatiza na wengine hutoa hasa siri za wake zao (walaaniwe)) 

Nisiende mbali sana... Kuna silaha moja tu ya kumfurahisha mumeo na kujenga ndoa yenye amani. Sio chakula kitamu wala tabasamu. Ni SEXUAL LIFE................ 

Kwa bahati mbaya sana kwenye ule uzi wa AshaDii, hii aliiweka kama point ya nane nadhani.... 

SEXUAL LIFE.... inatakiwa iwe ya kwanza katika maisha ya ndoa, mengine yote yatatokea hapo.... 

Ukweli ni kwamba mudi ya binadamu (hasira, furaha, woga, wasiwasi, upendo, chuki, kisirani, usikivu n.k) inakuwa controlled na hormones zinazotolewa kwa wingi katika mwili kwa wakati husika... 

Hakuna wakati mwingine wowote mwanadamu (aliye sexually active), anazalisha katika mwili wake hormones zinazohusiana na amani, furaha, upendo, usikivu.. kama wakati akiwa sexually stimulated. 

Kama unapenda mumeo akupende na aipende ndoa yenu, jua na weza kumstimulate sexually... 

Je, wajua namna ya kufahamu kama mmeo amekuwa sexually au anakuwa sexually stimulated kwako? Ni rahisi kwenu wanawake.. kama mumeo anaerect kirahisi kwako, na mara kwa mara, then anakuwa sexually stimulated na wewe.. 

Je, wajua namna ya kumfanya mumeo awe sexually stimulated? Najua hapa wengi wenu mmejibu "ndiyo", lakini niwatahadharishe tu, hakuna kazi ngumu kama hii. Wengi hapa wanawaza romance, wanawaza kujiweka sexy n.k... lakini niwahakikishie kuwa hayo yanafanya kazi kwa mabaa medi, na madada poa, na nyumba ndogo pekee (japo kwa nyumba ndogo sio rahisi kihivyo), lakini sio kwa mke, au mwanamke ambaye mwanaume amekuwa naye kwenye uhusiano kwa muda mrefu... 

Mwanaume anapomtazama mwanamke ambaye hawana mahusiano ya muda mrefu, anaona mwili wake tu, kisha akili yake ina-command mwili utoe hormones kadiri ya ilivyomtarakari. Nitatazama mguu, kiuno, paja, kifua, macho, sijui midomo n.k, then vikinivutia, na nikiwaza kumvua nguo na kumkumbatia, na ku..... then mwili wangu moja kwa moja utatoa hormones flani nzuri, na majibu yake yanaweza kuonekana kwa mitikisiko fulani chini ya kitovu changu... 

Lakini mwanamke akimtazama mke wake, au mpenzi wake wa muda mrefu, haoni mwili wake hata kama yuko uchi, bali anaoyaona MAWAZO yake (full stop). Anayaona mawazo yake. Then, bila kutafakari, bila kuamua mwenyewe, sehemu fulani katika ubongo wake ambayo ina-operate autonomically, inauamrisha mwili utoe hormones fulani. Sasa hapa kuna matatu; ama zitolewe hormones zinazohusiana na FEAR (cortisol related), au zinazohusiana na LOVE (steroidal related), au zisitoke zozote. Najua hapa wanaume wengi tunasema, mimi ni mwanaume, I can't fear my wife... lakini ukweli ndio huo, na it is an involuntary action, you can't control it. 

Kuna wanaume wengi sana wanajilazimisha kuwapenda wake zao. Wanajilazimisha kurudi nyumbani mapema, sio kwa sababu wanajisikia kurudi mapema. Wanajilazimisha kuwanunulia zawadi wake zao, lakini hawajisikii automatically kufanya hivyo. Wanajilazimisha kwenda outing na wake zao, lakini wanafanya hivyo ili kuwaridhisha tu. Wanajilazimisha kusex na wake zao, lakini ni hadi wavute mawazo ya demu mwingine ndo jamaa asimame, na akishamaliza kimoja, harudii tena hadi baada ya siku mbili. Kuna wanaume wanajilazimisha, na kwa bahati mbaya ndio majority. Kuna mwanaume ili ngoma isimame kwa mkewe lazima ishtuliwe kwa nusu saa, lakini akipata miadi na demu wa nje, ktu inasimama njia nzima wakati akielekea huko... Wanawake mpo responsible (fully responsible), kuwafanya wanaume ama watoe fear hormones, au love hormones kwenu, au wasitoe zozote. Fear hormones zina very high antagonistic (opposite) effect kwa love hormones. 

Baada ya kuandika sana sayansi yake, sasa nigusie namna ya kuwezesha mwanaume atoe love hormones zaidi ya fear hormones. Fanya namna hii..

1. Don't make sex a very seriuos thing.. Nimeona nianze na hii kwa sababu ukianza kusoma hizo nyingine, unaweza kujenga wazo la kuifanya sex iwe very serious. Ukifanya sex iwe very serious, itakufanya wewe kwanza uwe unajenga wasiwasi fulani wakati unapoi pursue, hivyo unasecret cortisol na kukufanya kukosa mvuto kwa mumeo. Kwa hiyo, usiipangie ratiba, mahali, staili, or any official arrangement. Do it easily, do it simple.
2. Kuwa mtundu/mhuni Wanawake wengi wanajisahau na kudhani kuwa wakiwa watundu, waume zao au jamii inayowazunguka watawaona wahuni. Siku zote wanaume wanakuwa stimulated na wanawake wahuni. Hakuna namna nyingine ya mumeo kuwa stimulated na wewe zaidi ya wewe kuwa mhuni lakini mhuni kwake tu. Uhuni sio dhambi, kama uhuni huo unaufanya ndani ya ndoa (usifanye uhuni nje ya ndoa yako). Kwa hiyo ongea maneno yote ya kihuni ukiwa na mumeo na uki-address zaidi mwili wake na wako na sio wa watu wengine, na matendo yenu, na sio ya watu wengine. Najua hapa siwezi fafanua sana, la sivyo uzi utahamishiwa kuleee, kwa wakubwa. lakini jisikie free kutamka maneno kama m**o, K**a ma**ko, n.k ukiwa na mumeo. Jisikie huru (tena jitahidi), kusema sentensi kama "Kudadeki leo nakukatikia hadi k**a ipate moto", au "leo m**o yako imevimba vizuri, kama ndizi mzuzu ya Tukuyu" n.k (siwezi kutoa mifano zaidi kutokana na maadili ya hapa... kama vipi nifuate PM)... Kuwa mchokozi sana tu. Mfano, katika mazingira ambayo mmeo hakutarajia, fungua zipu ya suruali yake na anza kula ndizi kimya kimya na bila utani. Yaani unajifanya umedata na hii sio lazima ifanyikie chumbani na hata akikukataza, (of coz usifanye penye watuwengine), jifanye unakuwa mkali then, unaendelea kula koni kwa dakika kadhaa, then unamuachia kimya kimya akitafakari, unaendelea na shughuli zako kama hakuna kitu kimetokea. Mfano mwingine ni kama vile mkiwa chumbani, unatandika kanga kitandani, unamlaza chali (unakuwa very siriaz, hakuna kuchekacheka), unachukua shaving machine unamnya mavuzi, bila shaka ukiwa kwenye process ngoma itasimama, unamwambia ..."huyu mbona anajifanya mjanja, ngoja nimnyamazishe" unavua ch*pi unaikalia unaishughulikia, akishusha mzigo inalala. unaendelea na kunyoa, ikisimama tena unaishughulikia tena n.k.
3. Usichekecheke... kati ya kitu kinachokata stimu kwenye sex ni pale mwanamke anapokuwa anachekacheka 9kwa aibu) wakati akifanya romance. Tengeneza sura ya kulegeza machi na kuenoy unachokifanya (hata kama hauenjoy), hasa wakati unafanya romance. Ukiangalia ndude yake usiiangalie kwa ukichekacheka au ukionesha kushtuka au kuishangaa. Iangalie kama mtu anavyoitazama nyama wakati anaila. Tumia sana mdomo, na sio lazima kila baada ya kulamba koni utake mchezo. Sometimes jifanye kuwa umelamba koni kwa raha zako (mwambie nataka nilambe kidogo then nikageuze mboga jikoni). Mlambishe chumvi kwa nguvu hata kama hapendi. Mkalie kufuani na kwa pozi msogezee..... (nisiendelee sana hapa maana nitavuka mipaka ya maadili). Usitake kila siku akuanze yeye... Kama unajisikia (sio lazima uwe na hamu, but pretend kuwa kuna siku nawe unakuwa na hamu),ghafla bila yeye kutegemea, bila kumuomba, na tena wakati mwingine subir mkiwa mwenye maongezi yasiyohusiana na mapenzi (hata ya maendeo), ghafla anzisha tukio la kushughulikia eneo lake la siri. Na hapa nisisitize kuwa wapo wanaume ambao ukiwaambia kuwa unataka, wanakosa confidence na hapo ngoma haisimami. Yani we jifanye kama vile unajihudumia (yeye hahusiki), chezea maeneo yake vile unavyotaka (huku ukiwa siriaz, au ukipiga stori zisizohusu mapenzi), na baada ya muda utashangaa ngoma inanyanyuka, unavua, unaikomesha, then mnaendelea na stori kama kawaida.

Yani nina mengi sana ya kuandika, lakini namsikia wifi yenu huko kaingia bafuni, ngoja nikamchokoze kidogo... nitaendelea kesho.

take care...

Kwa wanaume walafi...

When you see a woman...

And want her badly..

Please consider the following....

No matter how beautiful she is.....

No matter how sexy she is...

No matter how seductive she is...

No matter how cute and sweet she is ...

No matter how nice her beaver is...

No matter how huge her melons are...

Somewhere on this planet

a man is enjoying a beer... 

because he is tired of her nonsense.

An example of why we should wait until a person finished speaking, before jumping to conclusions

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's Sex?"

 

"OK," he thinks, "this day was bound to come, and I'm not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets."

 

So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections, and wet dreams.

 

Then she asks, "Daddy, what is 'A Couple'?"

 

And he carries on, "A couple are the two people involved in sex, but this can also be two males or two females which we call homosexual," and he goes on to describe masturbation, oral sex, group sex, pornography, bondage and rape, pedophilia, etc...

 

The father finally asks, "So why did you want to know about 'a couple' and 'Sex'?"

 

"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."

GUIDE TO A BETTER LIFE by DR. RANDY PAUSCH

He was a Harvard Professor and was in his forties and he died of pancreatic cancer in 2008, but wrote a book ‘The last lecture”, one of the bestsellers in 2007.  What a legacy to leave behind… In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan, and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful “guide to a better life" for them to follow. May you be blessed by his insight.

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE

Personality:

1. Don’t compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment

3. Don't overdo; keep your limits

4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does

5.  Don't waste your precious energy on gossip

6. Dream more while you are awake   

7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

8.  Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

10. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present

11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you 

12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

13. Smile and laugh more

14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:

15. Call your family often

16. Each day give something good to others

17. Forgive everyone for everything

18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6

19. Try to make at least three people smile each day 

20. What other people think of you is none of your business

21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

22.  Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.

23.  GOD heals everything

24. Do the right things

25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change

26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up

27. The best is yet to come

28. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful

29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it

30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

While you practice the entire above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with, people you play with, people you work with and people you live with. Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you. Stay blessed.

Mwanza International Airport leo asubihi

Pichani juu ni madhara yaliyosababishwa na mvua kubwa huko mwanza, hapo ni uwanja wa ndege wa kimataifa wa Mwanza.

Kali ya Mbale town...

A policeman at Mbale Central Police Station receiving a naked suspected thief, Bernard Wanja, who was marched to the station by a mob on Saturday.He was stripped naked by residents after he allegedly tried to steal sh350,000 from a 70-year-old man who was purchasing cement from Cathedral Avenue in Mbale town

Dont facebook it, FACE IT...

An incridible art... Camera Vs. Pencil

Mashindano ya wabibi wenye wajukuu huko Brazil...

Na huyu ndiye bibi mwenye wajukuu aliyewashinda mabibi wenzake wote!

Matukio katika picha...

 Misitu ni UHAI...

 Picha ya juu na chini jazia mwenyewe maneno...

Bongo Tambarare...

Wanaotupambia kurasa zetu kwa leo wanatafuta...

Sugari isu...

Miss Tanzania wa kwanza Mwaka 1967

Miss Tanzania wa kwanza akipita ukumbini kweye bwalo la kuogelea ndani ya Kilimanjaro Hotel Mwaka 1967. Anaitwa Theresia Shayo. Urembo bongo haukuanza karibuni (1990's) ulianza enzi hizooo... 1960's...

Ukistaajabu ya Mussa...

Dear  Dolly

I have a serious problem now. I hope you will assist. The day before yesterday for once in life I tried something naughty. I went to see my girlfriend. Whilst asleep naked, we heard a vehicle outside meaning it was her husband and we thought he was in SA. We were really surprised that he was back so early. I dressed quickly and jumped through the window and ran towards home. I got home safely and quickly got into bed beside my wife who didn't ask cause she knew that Friday was a day for daddy. When she woke up the next morning she was so shocked to find me putting on lady's panty!!!!
And my boxers were nowhere in sight. I told her that I will explain latter?
What should I tell her I wish it was a new panty I would have said I had bought it for her and I was just testing it but was an old one with 2 holes in the middle. And it was pink with laces and flowers in front. The worse thing is that my wife does not like lacy and floral panties. I beg you auntie what should I do? on the other side my girlfriend is breathing fire she wants her panty because the husband wants to see it. Please give me ideas there is war at home!!!!!!

 Dolly Replies
Tell your wife that you have been possessed by a spirit which makes you Wear women's underwear and that this has been going on for a long while hence the old panty with two holes. Return the panty to your small house and tell her to tell her husband that the rats had taken it and she found it under the bed while spring cleaning. She should also angrily tell her husband to do something about the rats as too many of her belonging have fallen victim to the rats. This should solve your problem.

Kisa na Mkasa, Bongo Darisalama...

WALIMU wa MAZOEZI: KERO KATIKA MAHUSIANO!

Hapa jiran kuna Gym centre ambayo imekua ikihudhuriwa na wateja mara kwa mara nyakati za jioni (baada ya muda wa kazi kwa siku za kuanzia j3-ijumaa) na zaid siku za wikiend, kimsingi gym hii ipo ktk mazingira mazuri then huduma yake si haba, wafanyakazi wake ni wakarimu pia imesheheni walimu wazuri wenye kujua nin walifanyalo pindi wawahudumiapo wateja wao.

Kumekuwapo na tetesi kuwa mmoja wa walimu hao amekuwa akijihusisha/mahusiano ya kimapenzi na wateja wa kike mara kwa mara na tofauti muda tu wanapojiunga na kituo hicho, kwa kuwa wengi ya wateja wajao hapa wametokea/wapo safi kiuchumi hii imemfanya mwalimu huyu kuchukulia mahusiano haya km kitega uchumi, amekuwa akitembea na wake wa watu na kutumia vitu vyao km vile magari pasipo aibu wala uwoga wowote!

Kama waswahili wasemavyo siku ya mwizi ni arobaini, kumbuka hakuna siri ktk mapenzi, waswahili wamemfikishia bwana juu ya matendo ya mkewe na huyo mwalimu wa mazoezi, wamempa ratiba na mchakato mzima ile mwanzo mwisho, mke kama kawaida kaaga anaenda zoezi, mume pasipo onyesha mshituko wala wasiwasi kamkubalia, kaenda gym. Mke katangulia, baada ya muda bwana kamfuata kwa nyuma, kafika gym hamwoni pale pa siku zote, kwa kuwa si mgeni kaingia vyumba vya ndani vya kuchangea nguo napo kamkosa, kaamua kwenda bafuni, kahamaki kumkuta mke na mwalimu wa mazoezi wakifanya mambo, bwana kumbuka kajiandaa vya kutosha, kakasirika kawatoa nje km walivyo zaliwa, kawapakia kwenye gari kawapeleka kituoni. 

 

Huku nyuma kaacha gumzo. KILICHONIFANYA HASWA NILETE thread hii humu tofauti na kutoa habari ni pamoja na kutaka kuwaonyesha ni kwa kiasi gani hawa walimu wa mazoezi walivyokua mwiba katika mahusiano ya mapendanao, sijui ni kwa nini haswa bt hawa watu ni hatari, nadhani kuna kilasababu ya kuwakemea na kuchunga wapenzi zetu.K WA WALE mnaofahamu na mlio na ukaribu na hawa watu JE MWAWEZA KUTUGUSIA MBINU WATUMIAZO WATU HAWA KUDAKA WAKE/WACHUMBA/WAPENZI AU DADA ZA WATU? Nijuavyo mimi ni kuwa hawa WALIMU WA MAZOEZI NI JANGA LA KUEPUKA KATIKA MAHUSIANO, NI HATARI SANA, TUWATAFUTIE DAWA!

 

Habari kwa hisani ya JAMIIFORUM.

Why do kids need a pet, find a detailed pictorial explanations below...