An Opening Ceremony...

DUH!

The Dogs...

An elderly spinster who was a dog lover, agreed to look after her neighbor's dog while they went on vacation. The only problem was that the spinster's dog was a bitch on heat, and the neighbor's dog was a male. Nevertheless, she had a large house and thought she could keep the two dogs apart.

As she lay in bed drifting off to sleep, the spinster was suddenly alarmed by an awful howling noise coming from downstairs. She rushed downstairs to find the two dogs locked together, as dogs do when mating. The dogs were obvious in pain, but unable to disengage.

Try as she might, she couldn't part them, and was perplexed as to what to do next.Though it was very late, she reluctantly phoned the vet and after quite a long delay, a rather grumpy voice answered the phone.

The spinster explained the problem to the vet.

The vet said, "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them. I'll phone you back, and the noise of the phone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch."

"Ok," said the spinster, "But, do you think that will really work?"

"Well," said the vet, "It f**king worked when you rang me!"

Sababu 3 za kuacha mitungiz...

Hung Chow story...

Hung Chow calls into work and says, ' Hey Boss, I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come work.'

The boss says, 'I really need you today. When I feel like that, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and feel great. I come work now . . . you got nice house.'

The Boss name is RED = 'Retired but Extremely Dangerous', what will happen next!

Vituko vya ijumaa...

Bata ndio zenye... hasa siku kama ya leo... furahiii day!

College guys... mambo ya 'exile' yakizidi, kila mtu anaamua liwalo na liwe... lete nami nilete! kazi ndio hii

uswazi sio kabisa... sasa huyu baka kakosa nini? au ndio kuzalilishana dini hizi... haki za wanyama ziko wapi hapa? nini hii??? NALAANI KWA NGUVU ZOTE!

First Time with a Condom!

By Ikunda, DSM.

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one.

I honestly answered, "No."

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb, She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store. It was empty.

"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a desk.

"Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few minutes. She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"

I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.

1st lady night out... in the US!

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn't too luxurious.

When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the president's secret service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner.

Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle why he was so interested in talking to her. She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her.

President Obama then said, " Oh, so if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant" , to which Michelle responded, "No, if I had married him, he would now be the President"

Have a good day...

Na Mwandishi wetu wa kiume...

This morning as I was buttoning my shirt a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee....

Say what? Read below...

Ways for guys to be happy:

1. Be with a girl who makes you laugh.

2. Be with a girl who gives u her time

3. Be with a girl who takes care of you.

4. Be with a girl who really loves you.

Finally, make sure these four girls don't know each other.

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Women is the best vehicle in the world.

Front - 2 bumpers!
Back - 2 bumpers!
Self lubricating when hot!
Monthly automatic engine oil change!
Every type of piston fits!

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8 qualities of a Perfect Husband

Brave,

Intelligent,

Gentle
Polite,

Energetic,

Nutty,

Industrious,

Sensitive

And if all else fails, read the CAPITAL LETTERS only!